Coming clean in a roundabout sort of way March 30, 2008
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Family, Forgive me while I ramble, I will never ever actually admit to this ever, It's a strategy, Life, Men, My family is sure I will never marry, Random Musings on Life, Single Girl Cliches, Trips to the past, We Get It -- You're Stressed About Getting Old, Why I Write, Women.trackback
I don’t know why I thought it would make me feel better, but I decided on Sunday to check out of life for awhile, go off the radar and see a cheesy romantic comedy (Definitely, Maybe) all by my lonesome. My goal was to not think about anything but silly dialogue.
This was, of course, impossible. I’ve never been able to fully shut off my mind and remove myself from my often busy life before. And Sunday was no different.
My mom, always a source of reality, looked at me this week as I juggled a purse stuffed full of my daily armor – a notebook, two cell phones with chargers and earpieces, Tylenol, my Lauren clutch that doubles as a wallet, a slew of pens and highlights, a folder of two of assorted work papers, an iPod and a makeup bag – and asked, quite simply, “What if you had a husband right now? Can you imagine working this much if you had a family?”
Truth be told, I couldn’t.
I brushed off her question with a shrug and pointed out for the millionth time that I’m doing this now so that I don’t have to do it later, but her comment lingered with me as I stayed with my three cousins last night so their parents could have a much-deserved night out. As I hustled to keep up with an inquisitive two year old who melted my heart with his big eyes, inane jabbering and adorable ways – to get him to eat a carrot I’d zoomed it around like an airplane and planted it in his mouth and he immediately grabbed another carrot and mimicked my motions, shoving it in my mouth, as if to say, “Lady, if I’m eating this, so are you” – my doubts about my current situation flared up.
I don’t know if life has to be an either/or situation. Either you work your tail off all of the time at the detriment to your personal life or you focus only on your relationships and your career suffers. Maybe I can’t accept that life could be so black and white because I wouldn’t be happy if it were. I don’t want it to be.
There is this longing in my personal life for something more than single serve takeout dinners and bad reality television. And it has been evident, painfully so, for quite some time. But by never doing anything about it, by never fully dragging myself out there, by nesting in my comfy cocoon, I can save myself a modicum of rejection. I suppose.
But the one-note, work-all-of-the-time lifestyle isn’t saving me heartbreak anymore. If being rejected and feeling unloved by one particular man stings, I’ve realized lately that setting myself up to feel completely rejected by the world might hurt even more. I should giggle and enjoy a silly movie about love or hearing about an acquaintance’s engagement or a college friend’s new baby. Instead I’m angry and bitter and twisted and moved only to the point where I’m asking, “What about me?”
I do want to be the Woman in the Song – the one who makes him crazy, keeps him up at night, without whom his days would all be nights. And even as I think that, I immediately reject the notion of such as pure fantasy. We don’t all get to be the heroine. We aren’t all the Woman in the Song.
Not that I would ever give myself the chance to be Her. I’m too wrapped up in other things to truly put myself in much of a position to be loved. It’s much easier to stay stuck and blame my lack of love on anything and everything else.
I’ve become whiny. My true personality is almost unrecognizable at times. I look in the mirror and I see drive and dedication to something external. And when I do turn that focus on myself, it is only superficial – a haircut or a shopping trip or a new handbag. For someone who can be so self-centered sometimes, I sure haven’t figured out how to focus any self absorption on soothing my own soul, quieting my own fears and making myself any less alone (or lonely).
Anytime I do manage to project an air of aloof calmness, my Devil May Care attitude is purely a front. As it was the other night when, after asking for my card three weeks ago, saying he would call (he didn’t) and alluding in e-mail to the fact that we would be seeing each other before last Thursday’s group outing to a concert (we didn’t), a certain Flirty Wine Distributor ignored me during said group outing. (And I’m not writing about him right now, but if I were I’d mention how unacceptable and rude that behavior was.) To my girlfriends, I rolled my eyes, bought my own beers and announced that I was over the snub because clearly he wasn’t worth it. To myself, I wondered if he’d notice my relaxed attitude and how much fun I could have on my own and grimaced when couples danced to one of my favorite songs.
Lame.
And sure, I don’t actually care about my little Man Fling, who asked with trepidation the other day if I wanted a child and breathed a sign of relief when I said, “Yes, but not now.” But his quick Thank-God-She’s-Not-Going-To-Trap-Me answer stung more than it probably should have, so I shot back, “Yes, I want to get married first. And I know I won’t be marrying you.”
The Blackberry accused me of using him the other night, when I rebuffed his late-night advances but had earlier accepted a glass of wine from him at a bar. (And yes, he was in the wrong – I had my card out to pay for my glass of wine and he made a show of telling the bartender to put it on his tab. And even if I had demanded a free drink, I don’t subscribe to the notion that I owe any man anything in that or most any situation.) What struck me was that he might actually be right. I am letting him stroke my ego every few weeks. And I shouldn’t need attention from someone I don’t care about.
My point, which I seem to have lost, is that I am wholly unfocused toward any personal life goal right now. I shudder at the thought that I will wake up ten years from now, all by myself in this same two-person bed of my own making.
And, if only for right now and if only as a start, I’m not going to hide my fear of being alone because I want to seem strong or independent or evolved or modern.
I’m finished apologizing.
I don’t know about you, but I find that the best bits of my life tend to show up when I give myself permission to accept accountability for my own feelings. It sounds like you’re looking at this in a really productive way. I just hope it doesn’t mean you’re going to write less!
Wow, brave move. I’m always afraid to let down the walls and show the world the girl who’s dying to find love and lyrical pronouncements of my importance. The girl who gets it always seems to be the one who needs it least.
“To my girlfriends, I rolled my eyes, bought my own beers and announced that I was over the snub because clearly he wasn’t worth it. To myself, I wondered if he’d notice my relaxed attitude and how much fun I could have on my own and grimaced when couples danced to one of my favorite songs.” I concur, girl, completely.
I had to read your “About” to find out how old you are (I’m a new subscriber - you were a suggested read on Google Reader). I thought you sounded a lot like me when I was in my mid to late 20s, so - la! - there you have it. I, too, struggled with the age old work/marriage thing during that time and beyond. My work life was more fulfilling than my social life, but my family and friends were constantly on me about finding a man. I was also sad when I’d see couples, or get birth announcements from friends, etc. I stuck to my guns, though (even at 28 when I broke up with my longterm boyfriend and my grandmother said “the older you get, the harder it is to find a man!”
and decided I wouldn’t settle, no matter what. At 32, I met HIM. At 34, I married him, and it was the best decision I ever made. Have hope!
Never give up hope… i met my hubby at 35. And i’m glad i got enough drinking, flirting, napping & reading done before the deluge of house & kids.
Charming, Even though we are separated by a generation, I find your writing about this to resonate with what I’m going through as a single-again woman. Even though I would have been one of your friends that sent you those birth announcements and it all looked great from the outside it fell apart after 20 years. But we didn’t know who we were or what we needed. That it lasted 20 years has more to do with our stubbornness and fear of being along than a quality and healthy relationship.
My point is (the same as Cliopatra and heidi) don’t settle and don’t give up hope. Know who you are and what you need and keep hoping. I have faith that a person that fits most of that will arrive.
The hubby and I were just talking the other day about this work/social/family life balance… as he got reaedy to leave on a business trip while I stay in the hospital with our 2 month old baby (UTI, not serious, but still sucks). I really do think it comes down to an either/or. Women talk about wanting to “have it all” under the presumption that men get to do work AND family so women should, too, but the truth is man or woman if you throw yourself into work then you’ll miss key family and life moments, and if you prioritize family, then you don’t advance in work. I know this is a bit5 off from your main point in this post, but I do think it’s time form people to stop pretending that we can both fly up the corporate ladder and be there for our significant others. There’s only so many hours in a day, only so many years to your life, what do you want to spend them on?
I could have written most of this post myself. Thank you.
You say you are unfocused, but I disagree. You mention you want marriage, and some day children, that seems like a pretty good focus to me.
We put the fronts on, I think, not because we want others to believe them, but because WE want to believe them.
True story.
Personally, I’m not so certain where this whole “being happy alone” thing came about (the Earlimart song seemed to say it best). Truth is that we’re social creatures, either in large groups or just with someone else. The idea that we should be happy alone, or not fear that we will continue to be, is just stupid.
You know your goals, and I believe you know your timeframe. The problem is that others (your Mom, your friends) are either encouraging or have reached, respectively, the same goals and they’re causing you to question yourself. Don’t. You’re moving at your own pace. And that’s just fine.
the bravest part about this post, and what i have also recently been moved to do, is the honesty you are showing to yourself. and okay, sharing that honesty with us. many women could have written this entry too, including myself.. you aren’t alone. and yet, the path is only an individual one.
oh, and re the either/or question.. somewhere i heard about the rule of 3 - career, love, kids. apparently the rule states inevitably, a woman must choose 2 of them only. in my life i dont yet know how true that is, but it certainly sounds like that’s how it plays out.
I can relate to this post…Thanks!
“Accused me of using him the other night, when I rebuffed his late-night advances but had earlier accepted a glass of wine from him at a bar.”
Man can I relate to that one! What is it with guys who think we can be bought- whether by glasses of wine or trips to the Caribbean? I think that is seriously one of the most belittling, insulting things about dating. And I am SO over it.
This is a great post, and I can relate to a lot of it. I’m also late 20’s, and my career makes me much happier than my love life. It has basically been that way for my entire adulthood.
But I, like you, want to figure out how to break the pattern. Someone (ok, my therapist) recommended a book to me recently called “Keeping the Love You Find”. It’s a little embarrassing and self-helpish to admit, but it’s been very enlightening. Might be worth a look!
This is SUCH a great post. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to admit that we want a personal life, that we want to be the heroine, adored by the hero and living a life of adventure. If everyone (or most of us, anyway) want that, WHY are we all running around pretending to be so FINE on our own?
I believe you will be the adored heroine. And perhaps this blog post will mark the day you looked back on when everything changed
What a beautifully honest and refreshing read. I wish you all the best. x Cara
Thanks for being so honest and brave. I am at a standstill right now, searching for a new career and living with my parents. I have exactly zero time or opportunity for my love life. I’ve been single about a year and half now, and I often stress about “leaving it too late.” Your fantastic post and the comments of other women gave me a bit of a step up into thinking positive.
I’m the girl who’s ten years older than you, still single, still questioning all of the things you mentioned and still putting work first because it’s easy and I’m good at it.
Which is not to say that there isn’t hope. There is. I (and you, I’m guessing) need to figure out a way to make the personal life stuff more of a priority. To mentally ready ourselves for making room in our busy lives for someone else to share it. And to stop hiding behind work (and my weight, in my case), and take the risk on myself (and him, whoever he is).
It’s me, the 48 year old married guy with kids again.
Listen to me: you’re not alone. Not by a longshot. You have friends, family, and so on. You’re smart and good-looking, and because of that, there’s no shortage of male companionship available to you. Be honest to yourself about what it is that you think really want: a man you can call YOUR OWN.
When you find him, and marry him, you will have taken another step along life’s journey, but you don’t really need him to take that step. You can have all of the things that life has to offer without getting married. And marriage is itself unknowable. The fact that they fail at a rate of 50% should make this clear to you. The very act of making that commitment changes the people who have entered into it.
You’re in a good place, trust me. Live your life. Meet people. Travel. If you think you’re in a bad place, imagine what it’s like to be married to some guy for 10 years, have kids together, and then wake up some day realizing he wasn’t the guy you shouldn’t have married in the first place. That’s a much, much worse place to be.
Don’t rush it.
Wow! I am not the only one who feels this way?! Thanks Charming!
It sucks on the guy end too…..this topic frequently comes up in my blog (just click on “women” or “relationships” if you are bored one day). I hate that I have to choose, but there isn’t enough time i my day for anything more than what I have now….which are a bunch of poorly fitting psuedo-dating “things”….that I’d rather just not have, but the alternative would be to be alone, and my ego won’t allow that.
Speaking of….I need to set another one for Saturday…..out of probably courtesy, if nothing else. Hopefully it will end well, at least we both can pretend to care and not look at it for what it is….a way to kill some time.
A very interesting post. Quite reassuring in a way, to know other people think like that too. You’re right, it’s easier not to go out and not get rejected than to make an effort, but unfortunately, that’s never the way forward.
“I’m too wrapped up in other things to truly put myself in much of a position to be loved.”
I feel your pain. I’m currently working, taking a 2 year course in 8 months and wondering why I haven’t met someone. Maybe because I’m not working toward that? Your words are far more eloquent than mine so let me just say, thank you.
I feel the exact same way. You truly do have a gift. You seem to put all my feelings into perfect words that make sense to me.
I find myself lying in bed and looking at the other side and wondering if anyone is ever going to fill that space. When I’m in an empty car I’m wondering if I will ever hear my children’s laughter. If I dwell on it too much I will make myself insane. I try to go about my life but sometimes that too is hard.
I often wonder if I am sacrificing my personal life for my career. I can only hope that one day all my questions will be answered to my liking.
“But the one-note, work-all-of-the-time lifestyle isn’t saving me heartbreak anymore. If being rejected and feeling unloved by one particular man stings, I’ve realized lately that setting myself up to feel completely rejected by the world might hurt even more”
^^^ that hit home for me big time. Im still in college and letting a heartbreak get the best of me. I dont feel like myself anymore. Your post just made me want to make myself happy, not depend on anyone else to do it.
Great post. For something on the lighter side check out theweekendgirlfriend.com “A girl’s guide to keeping steamy”. Its a girlie site with fun lingerie, relationship advice, books and much more…
I love that you told him that you wanted to get married but not to him!
***applause!***
This is one of the greatest posts I read in a long time. You speak from my heart!
I agree too that I tend to not understand why there is so much emphasis put on the need to feel at ease alone, being independent and liking it… I have been married, then divorced, lived alone a lot then lonely a lot (even when married - and yes I can tell that lonely and alone are different and that I could feel lonely with him in the same room or not that lonely on my own) wandered through a somber emotional period… then one day just like you confessed to myself that I was done apologizing and trying to be independent. I was officially afraid of being alone, even though I was not going to settle. I knew I wanted love and I wanted to believe in love and well, I was not going to apologize about it anymore. From that day on my perspective changed. At 34 I met him. And I really feel like it was well worth the path…
I have told you this before…that at 30, my husband left me. I think you will be much more successful waiting it out than doing everything at a younger age like all of your friends.
This was a great post. Soooo very well written.
And a few of your commentors gave me hope that “at 34 I met him.” For me, that is in July.
I completely agree with EVERYTHING you wrote…this is a great post. Thank you, I’m glad to see there is another 20-something questioning the balance of it all, and how to get what you want - actually deserve. Thanks again!
“I do want to be the Woman in the Song – the one who makes him crazy, keeps him up at night, without whom his days would all be nights. And even as I think that, I immediately reject the notion of such as pure fantasy. We don’t all get to be the heroine. We aren’t all the Woman in the Song.”
We’re all the heroes & heroines in our own story. Even if that story seems awfully tangential or ’small time’ to almost everyone else in the world save for a few friends & family members & trusted pets.
But really think about it now. Does Anyone really want to be the woman in the song? Do they ever turn out just ’swell’? Sane? Comfortable? No! They’re in the dock for murdering their two-timing lover. Or done in by their own jealous lover. Or constantly searching the moors/sea/Bowery for their lost loved one. And that’s just the ancient ones we might name. The ‘modern’ stuff is almost unprintable! The ones who get off the lightest are the ones who just steal the men away from others.
In short the Women of song & story are rarely the moms, sisters or wives as we know & love them.Most are decidedly not now the ‘women of the song’, but fortunately they get to make their own songs their own way and to construct lives around their own particular truth. Which probably is not well reflected on the ‘pop’/rock or rap charts right now. Perhaps once & still, glimpses of the song in their hearts was & is visible on a dance floor or in a band, or in a cool languid smile on a summer’s day enjoying an outdoor concert. Those are the songs that last the longest and are dearest to the heart. The rest describe transitory type of madness, no matter how attractive it might be made to appear.
Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
AMEN!
I wrote about nearly the same thing a couple of weeks ago.
http://hopedieslast.wordpress.com/2008/03/11/enough/
P.S I love that you told him that you weren’t going to marry him. Hehe.
We all have that fear of being alone. It is normal. And it’s normal that we won’t be.
You’ll be fine. Keep your head up.
I hear ya girl, but focusing on what makes you happy, whatever that may be, is all that should matter. There is always something to smile about…
I’m a happily married guy, with two kids, but I’ve been where you are now twice.
The first time, because I felt so low and lonely, I ended up dating and living with a girl that was completely wrong for me (and I for her). We managed to keep that ‘car’ on the road for three excrutiating years. Although it had its moments, the relationship ended really badly.
Because I felt so hurt (and low and lonely again), I ended up in lots of one-night stands and just felt worse and worse. I never pictured marriage at that stage, let alone kids, but 6 years ago that all changed as did my outlook on life.
Very corny, and trite (and nauseous) I know, but your life will change and someone that’s right for you will appear. The double bed will be dual-occupied (which is when, just occasionally, you’ll wish you still had ALL the duvet to yourself!).
At least you didn’t blurt out to your boss / good friend just how miserably alone you feel… like maybe someone else did last night after a “staff meeting” involving beer.
I know it’s been said many times, but I know I’m not alone in relating very strongly to this. I do the whole ‘carefree single girl’ thing so well, it’s hard for me to admit that I sometimes feel very lonely too. I want so much to be happy with who and where I am at this moment in my life that it’s hard to accept that i can also be unhappy too. And that it’s ok to feel this way. It’s not a failure to admit that, though it feels like it is a lot of the time. It’s hard to get balance, but I know you’ll get there. And thanks for the post, it’s nice knowing there are others out there feeling the same way.
This was an interesting post. I think you’ve sort of admitted something you’ve denied before which is that you talk a lot about wanting a forever type someone and marriage and kids but then you don’t follow actions that would likely obtain that for you. And you had said you were going to make some changes in the New Year and yet… but hey April is better than never and maybe acknowledging the role that your defenses or whatever else it is are playing in keeping you from reaching that goal is a good first step.
Oh, Southern Female, it just wouldn’t be a blog post without a tinge of judgment and negativity from you.
No no, it is just not enough for me to say painfully honest things and work through issues in writing. If you don’t have an opportunity to everyone that I’m not perfect (duh), then you’re just not happy. Thanks for keeping me honest — we wouldn’t want anyone to forget any of the things I’ve written in my journal over the past three years. You know, because I’m not allowed to change my perspective or learn and grow.
I hope it feels good!
charming, take a deep breath. you have the rest of your life to fall in love. i know what you’re saying — “oh yeah? tell that to my ovaries!” — but one of my coworkers was the witness to one of my “i’m going to die alone and childless!!” meltdowns, and told me the every woman goes through this, and that when you meet the right guy, it happens SO FAST.
she met her hubs 2 months after she had a TOTAL meltdown about this–she was literally the LAST girl in her group to get married, i think. anyway, she met her hubs. they were living together 3 months later. baby #2 is on the way as i speak. she’s 37. she’s been married for….at least 6 years.
you still have plenty of time. (that was her point AND mine!)
about 3 months after i had this huge meltdown, i met CN. now, there’s no rings on any fingers (yet), and i don’t like to count my chickens….but this is definitely a good thing i’ve got. i have never been this happy in my whole life. and even if something crazy happens, and he’s not the one, he has renewed my trust in the world that there is someone out there for me.
it’s all gonna be ok. i promise. that is the one thing i have learned from all of this.
i can say that right before i met CN, i changed my criteria. i decided that i was going to keep it simple and ONLY talk to men who:
1. were happy with who they are
2. had a brain & ambition
3. didn’t have extremely messed up families
4. were NICE TO ME AND OTHERS — they had to be a good person.
#4 is in bold for a reason. it sounds stupidly simple, but if he makes you cry, makes you feel bad about yourself, makes you feel like you have to jump through hoops, makes you feel anything less than beautiful and normal — HE IS NOT THE ONE. so STOP wasting your time on him! period. it sounds so simple, but it is so hard–trust me, i know. if i could give the 27 year old version of myself ONE piece of advice, that would be it!! LOVE ONLY THOSE WHO LOVE YOU. anything less is settling. or hiding because you’re afraid of what might happen if you do stop settling. are you letting fear hold you back??? (just playing devil’s advocate!!)
ok, lecture over. i’m sure you have plenty of comments now! you are beautiful and fabulous. you will be fine. just try and surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. the rest is just details.
I just stumbled across your blog and you honestly put the exact way I feel into words I’ve never been able to say. I know how it feels to wish your single days were over like the majority of people your age. I know how it feels to want it all. I’ve read some comments and a lot have the same words of encouragement…DONT SETTLE!!! I refuse to settle, especially when I hear such great stories like some mentioned above. Its nice to know there are plenty of other single girls out there who are in the same boat!!
Hello. I have to say that I agree with you on this 100%. I am a 31 year single woman and I have to say that I am glad you shared this entry with us. I am glad to have read this. Your entries are quite helpful and I am glad that you shared your thoughts on your personal life. Thank you
Single in Ga
Must be those Southern gals with the good common sense, so I too 2nd what Virginia Belle had to say. The smashing good looks will make anyone weak in the knees. The ‘I want a child with that man’/'I wanna Get with Her!’ might be attractive as a passing thought in a bar, but it’s the inside stuff, the day to day simple things that matter most. Those are the bigger things to consider when thinking of a life partner.
Is he/she nice to his momma (w/o Being a momma’s boy)? Is he on good or decent relations with most of his kin? Known and reasonably well respected for who he is and what he does? Knows how to enjoy life w/o whining too much about it? Smart enough to know when to say what to a lady to make her feel good & special? Fairly ‘Nice’ as a matter of course and/or possessing a deeply ingrained spirit of generosity & kindness that shows? Has friends & family or colleagues who can tell you this too? Then you’re off to a good start.
For all too many gals & guys everyone tends to focus on the glam or fab packaging without considering the entire ‘package’ too much. We now call that kind of wandering ‘the 20’s’. Hopefully everyone comes into more wisdom as they age a bit. (Some do, some don’t).
Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’
wow it’s so nice to actually see written down in black and white letters someone of the same age going through the exact same thing. You try so hard to put up a food front but for what?? Sometimes I think it makes it even worse but I still have hope after all we are still young like everyone keeps saying we have our whole lives ahead of us lol thanks for sharing and I agree 100%!!!
It seems it has to be Brett Favre or Rhett Butler dropping onto bended knee. I’ve told you before, widen your horizons. Aussies, Kiwis and Brits like American girls. And a lot of them - not all - are good, marriage-able guys. You like football, Australian guys love football. Travel, meet someone and then settle. I suppose I’m saying, don’t settle without meeting someone. That bodes ill.
the stats are misleading - yes, marriages had been failing at a ~50% rate, but most of those marriages were formed at a young age, before either person had matured enough to know who they really were, and what they really wanted. One typically had to meld to the other, for things to stay together. Waiting to form your lasting relationship ’til you are self-established, self-assured, self-aware, is the BEST thing you can possible do for yourself - and THOSE relationships are lasting at a MUCH more positive rate than the previous statistics.
Since others are throwing it out there, here’s my stats: engaged at age 21, married at 22, divorced at 28. Stayed (depressingly, then sarcastically, then resignedly, then acceptingly) single since then, dating off and on to men I could ALMOST picture building a life with, but never QUITE. Met a guy who worked on the same city block as me at 37, we’ve dated for 2.5 years, and we are now engaged. Nice story, and I’m happy things have turned out this way, but we’ve been through a lot of bumps in the road, just like everyone else, but all the while I knew that he loved - yes, loved - and respected me, and always would, whether the relationship lasted or didn’t.
I too worried about the career/family thing, and thought I’d have to pick one or the other, or have time/life pick it for me. In the course of this relationship, I’ve found that having a solid person ‘in my corner’, always rooting for me, has given me the drive and the confidence to take my career to the next level, something I honestly don’t think I’d have been daring enough to try without his inspiration and support. All this, while we still traded picking up the check for saturday night dinners.
I’m just saying - it’s out there. The relationship you want. You don’t have to pick one form of life over the other, you CAN meld the two together, with the right personality (I purposely didn’t say ‘man’, because that seems to put too much emphasis on ‘the guy’ rather than the characteristics of the guy, but I digress…
encouraging you along. If a family happens, sure, adjustments will have to be made, but there’s a hellavu lot to be said for building the respect and admiration you do for each other by being a part of each other’s career goals WHILE cultivating the relationship along.
Thank you.
I just wanted to suggest a book called Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton, its (obviously) a journal about a woman both enjoying and suffering in her solitude. It helped me realize that its possible to be alone and fairly happy, but for me.. realizing that its natural to be lonely even when youre happy and proud of your life was really comforting.
This was a great post and lucky for you that you reached this point now. I wish I had an epiphany at your age. I am now 38 and have dug myself into a hole pretty deep. I joke by saying the only man I’m ever going to meet would have to be the exterminator or the pizza delivery guy because they come to me, but honestly I don’t even think about men until I’m at home alone.
I have to actively get out of my head and my apartment and put myself out there. I did not expect to still be single at this age. So, good luck to the both of us, ok?
thanks for this post. it really resonated with me. i’m about your age, have been more or less single the last 5 years. and i’m slowly coming to the realization that i am really really really afraid of being on my own. i fill all my available spare time with activities. to most people, i come across as the girl who has it altogether. but really i am not. and i think it’s time i admitted it to myself and to the world. i admire your honesty and think it’s the first step in your journey to incredible things. again, thank you for saying it for me.
Wonderful post! I think it strikes a cord with almost any women! We all strive to juggle our time and priorities. A career can be an easy avenue. What I mean by Easy, is that it doesn’t involve the magic voodoo that finding a good man seems to be.
“Flirty Wine Distributor ignored me” I’ve had my share of guys dis me. Later I’m always grateful that they did, because it was a window into their antics later on. It is more like I dodged a bullet instead of being the one that missed out.
Thanks for sharing!
New reader here… I’ve spent too many hours catching up on your life! I love it!
Um amazing. Cried when I read it yesterday, cried when I read it today. Admitting that cause, if only for right now and if only as a start, I’m not going to feel as though I’m any less strong, independant, worthwhile or complete because I have desires that have not yet been met.