Being the Rejectee February 4, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Dating.trackback
Note: Editing for crappy spelling.
There is something quite funny about being rejected by someone you’ve rejected yourself. Especially when you actually don’t think said man gives you butterflies and you’re really quite unsure that you’re doing anything other than biding your time anyway.
Saturday night, about 10:30, after eating and reminiscing with some old coworkers for several hours, I decided that I wasn’t really in the mood to stay in for the rest of the evening and finding no female friends to occupy my time, I landed on two options – The Blackberry or On Paper.
Here is where I admit that about two weeks ago, I was bored on a Wednesday night and I tried to get Single Girl to meet me out for drinks. She was already heading home. And so I went to the cigar bar across the street alone. I had a glass of red wine and listened to the band and pretty soon the Blackberry spotted me and came to say hello.
I braced myself for his obnoxious advances, but he was generally sweet. He wasn’t drunk and we actually had a nice conversation. He didn’t try to touch me inappropriately or ask to come home with me or whisper in my ear. He was just well behaved and when he left I was genuinely confused by how, well, normal he’d acted.
It was all very odd and I thought about it for a few days. We exchanged a few IMs and the other night when after-work drinks lasted late, I’d noticed an IM from him waiting on my laptop at home. I responded and soon he was trying to talk me into coming across the street to hang out some more. I told him that I couldn’t, that I was tired, that I’d had enough to drink and that I really just wanted to sleep.
I bid him good night and then shut my laptop and snuggled down in my covers and went to sleep.
Well, he apparently continued to message me about how he wanted to come over, wanted to see me, would be nice, was a good cuddling partner. And he ever went so far as to request my gate code to get into the apartment. I hadn’t been ignoring him – I was asleep. But his attitude reminded me of how he normally acts, which was a huge turn-off.
So, I couldn’t see him. Because He would drive me crazy and then trying to grope me and really I don’t think that I should be encouraging this type of behavior in potential suitors/stalkers. (Thankfully Prom Date takes his Big Test this week and will be able to stop being a hermit and hang out with me to serve as a buffer so that I can go to my beloved cigar bar again.)
This meant I sent On Paper a darling little text with a smiley at the end. (I almost vomited on myself when I sent the emoticon.)
He responded immediately asking what was going on with two exclaimation points (a clear sign of affection in today’s text-happy world) and I responded that very little was going on and asked what he was doing.
Now, this is where I start to get annoyed. Because he immediately texts back that he’s at a restaurant/bar that is perhaps three minutes from my apartment watching some kind of wrestling and/or mortal combat style Pay Per View.
I read this as “I am down the street from your house, come see me.” And though it was not an outright ask, I mean, why the hell would you tell someone that you were in their neighborhood at a bar if you didn’t want them to come over?
I texted back to ask if he wanted some company and he said, “Kind of a guys’ night out.”
Which was, “No.” I sent back. “Have fun!” and slammed my phone closed and pouted under the covers.
Why tell me where you were if you don’t want me to come? Why not say, “I’m out with the guys tonight” when I asked what was going on? It would be much simpler this way.
I half expected a late-night message from him, but I awoke to none.
Here’s the thing. I don’t really know that I want him, but it makes me furious that he would blow me off. I mean, who doesn’t like me? I am fun and witty and lovely! I do the blowing off and rejecting here, got it?
I know just how you feel…but here’s a theory:
Perhaps On Paper feels that when he hangs out with you he has to act a certain way to try to impress you, i.e. not how he normally acts in front of his friends. Or he was out with douchbags that would give him shit for leaving to hang out with you. Either way, he doesn’t deserve you….
I know it might have seemed like a dis, but I think you’re overreacting a bit. He was just having a guy’s night - doesn’t seem like a rejection to me!
He may have been angling for a late night invite so he could brag to ‘da boyz’ about it. Or he could have been doing the usual guy thing of just stating facts without giving it ANY thought. Could it be mismatched expectations?
Sounds like a general ‘men are stupid’ moment to me. He would probably be shocked to find out you think that he blew you off.
I think he’s on to you. It can’t make him feel really good about himself knowing that he’s not even second string - just a back-up to the back-up.
This is where you should’ve said no to both guys and indulged yourself with chocolate cake, bubble bath, and a cute movie! lol
Also, if he has your aim screen name, couldn’t he just google it and find your blog, and realize you’ve been writing about him this whole time?!
Cindy — I have more than one screename, obvs.
Sounds like On Paper (The Crier) was watching UFC. UFC kicks ass and is great fun, but not something a man would typically invite a woman along to watch, especially if it’s a night out with the boys. Don’t take it personally.
C, I would have read the situation the same way you did…
Why the heck name drop the location, if he wasn’t intending on extending an invite? BLAH to him!
I agree with Rees26. I think it’s a bit of an overreaction because sometimes people get too detailed when people ask what they are doing. Kinda like when you say “Good Morning, how are you doing today?” and people respond with their life saga when really you were just expecting a “I’m fine” I wouldn’t hold it against him too much.
The dumbass will probably be texting you this week trying to into your pants again without even realizing he blew you off.
I’m with Rees. You asked him what he was doing, he told you. He probably didn’t think of it the same way you did; sometimes guys are a tad oblivious. But given the two (!!) exclamations, I think it’s safe to say he’s still interested.
check out the belly
yes you should get angry at people who’s lives don’t revolve around your own.
OMG Gurl he sounds like a diabolical loser, I’ve been used by that type before, my probably unwanted advise is to block his lame ass.
the guy’s night out thing is probably his way of saying that the pay-per-view was turning out to be pretty good
lots of good fighters and/or exciting match-ups on the card and from what i’ve heard it was a decent UFC program
if it makes you feel any better, you were brushed off for the likes of one of the best grapplers from Texas and a ferocious Brazilian with wicked kickboxing
and sure they weren’t going to get him any play but there are some things in this world more exciting (and more fulfilling) than sex with an arrogant bitch
bj — Angry is probably a bit of a strong word. Annoyed? Much better. (I know I use the word furious … perhaps “huffy” or “pouty” would have been a better word chouse.) I’m annoyed that he told me he was at a bar THREE MINUTES from my place and then told me he didn’t want me to come see him. When I don’t want to see someone? I don’t tell them, “Oh, I’m a X bar doing thing Y.” I say, “Oh, I’m doing a girls’ night! Sorry!” That is what most people I know would do in that situation. (Ok, most women …
I don’t recall every requiring that his life revolve around mine. Or ever stating that. In fact, I’m pretty open — almost TOO open — with guys and their schedules.
Although, now that I think about it, it would be MUCH better if, you know, people’s lives DID revolve around mine … I wonder how I’d hook that up …
a second chance — I don’t even pretend to understand UFC.
Also, I don’t think I’m an arrogant bitch. I have my moments, we all do. But I didn’t DEMAND that he come over. I didn’t tell him, “I do the rejecting around here!” I didn’t show up at the bar and yell at him. I closed my phone and went to sleep, annoyed. Was it arrogant of me to think he’s want to meet up for a late night? Not at all, as this is something we do regularly. Perhaps a tad bitchy of me to be annoyed? Maybe.
Call me arrogant if you want, but is it necessary to call me a bitch because I THOUGHT something? Give me a break.
mistake, sorry, didn’t catch the tone … from the way you write about Blackberry and then a few other things i assumed you were a huge asshole but then i write almost the exact same way sometimes
but about the supposed ‘rejection,’ there really were some exciting fights on the card so it’s not so much as a rejection as it was he was having a really, really good time
OK honestly, what I think is that his ego has totally taken over. I agree with you. Why did he say he was going to be in a bar in YOUR neighborhood if he didn’t want you to come along? Its because he wants you to feel rejected the way he felt when you rejected him before. If I were you, I wouldn’t pay him a second thought. Then again, I only know from what you blog, but this is how I would interpret the situation. Good luck!
I really don’t see why you’re making such a big deal about this, C. It’s established that you aren’t really into this guy, and have already essentially rejected him. Either he picked up on that and is asserting himself with you, or he’s oblivious to any perceived slight on your end (which, of course, would be perfectly fair because hey: we don’t understand the way women think–and probably never will).
…it makes me furious that he would blow me off. I mean, who doesn’t like me? I am fun and witty and lovely! I do the blowing off and rejecting here, got it?
I realize you don’t really mean that, but…oh please.
Charming, I think you’re making too much of this. This is the guy who said he was too busy to see you b/c he had to clean his house before guests came over. He does this sort of wierd stuff, and my guess is he honestly doesn’t mean it as a diss. He probably didn’t realize that by saying he was in your area he implied maybe getting together– he was probably just trying to share a funny coincidence of being near your house when you contacted him.
I know it sucks that you didn’t get the response you wanted, but again I really believe, especially with this guy;s history, that he was rejecting you at all. I think he was just being him.
Ok, having just read your previous post, I can understand the sentiment behind this one a bit more. Feel free to fume and bad-mouth him in your head as much as you like. Then you can get it out of your system and not be so mad at him next time you talk.
As the only female roommate in a condo with 3 guys (thank goodness I have my own bathroom), I can see why he was quite factual and to the point; that’s the way most guys communicate. But first a confession; I love the UFC. Indeed, the fight card gave way to some amazing results and if a gorgeous man were but two paces from me during that broadcast, I would be completely unaware of his existence. Ok, so maybe not totally unaware but I wouldn’t acknowledge him until after the fight. Then again, if I were you, I would probably be exasperated by his lack of insight in the situation too. Although, perusing some of your prior posts on the fellow leads me to think you might actually enjoy the cat and mouse aspect of your relationship
Well, speaking as a similarly-oblivious human being, let me just remind you that the male and female brains don’t work the same. I’ve been guilty of exactly what he did, and I didn’t even think about it until right now.
I might tell someone that I’m just down the street from their house, thinking it an innocuous little “Oh, what a coincidence that you should text me when I’m so close to you!” Apparently, this can be read as “I’m close to you and I just want you to know how little I don’t want you to be here, even though it would be so easy to see me.”
Don’t take it too personally. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it.
But I will say that you need to just cut the Blackberry off entirely. For real, girl.
Charming, I can see where you’re coming from. I’m dating a guy that I’m not really into and have essentially already rejected, yet I continue to go out with him because I still enjoy the company. But the day the roles reverse and he no longer seems interested in hanging out with me I can already predict that I will have a similar reaction, even though I know I had it coming to me.
I don’t think it’s arrogant or bitchy, though, it’s just the initial sting of rejection, which never feels good, coupled with the irony that you’re being rebuffed by someone you didn’t care all that much about in the first place. Nevertheless, I didn’t interpret that your original intention was to make a bigger deal out of this than what it is. I assumed your last paragraph was meant to be taken as tongue in cheek.
He probably found another woman.
I feel you. They should all be waiting for you to call and drop everything just to see you. That’s the way it should be anyway. LOL. Just remember, paybacks are hell.
Yes, men tend to be quite literal. He happens to be close by you and gets an IM all of a sudden from you - so he remarks on that. He includes the address so you will know and be equally amused at this coincedence. The female mind will naturally read subtleties into the comment that, frankly, are not there - because most of us guys are about as layered as a ingot of pig iron.
THB
[...] were both flat on our backs looking up at the fan. On Paper had interrupted my thoughts with his [...]
from hell night prom
Lol, if you have ever been to a committe meeting you will understand.