Another notch in my lipstick case September 4, 2006
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
Note: The blog vacation was hard, because there were moments during the past two weeks where I just really wanted to write. This post is from two weeks ago, FYI.
On Monday, after working most of the weekend, I finished a big work project around 8 p.m. I told The Nurse, he seemed happy for me. I was ecstatic – I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders as I scratched something off of my “To Do” list. I wanted my bed and possibly a massage, but first I wanted a celebratory drink. I sent The Nurse a text to meet me for a beer, he sent back that he was staying in.
I, tired and emotional, quipped back, “Maybe I am just cranky and tired, but I feel like I have been trying to hang out with you for weeks and you don’t care.”
I smiled as I sent it off. This was clearly going to be the text message that ended the whole damn thing and I was just happy I’d sent it. Because you don’t go out with me several (six or seven) times and get intimate with me many times and then just stop. You don’t get to just walk away like that without giving me an explanation. Because it isn’t nothing and you don’t get to pretend that it was. And I don’t care what the books say. He doesn’t have to be into me, but he can at least have the nerve to tell me instead of dropping off into oblivion.
He texted back that we would hang out and that he’d been busy with school.
I wanted to scream – I hadn’t had a day off of work in longer than I’d care to admit and I’d worked from 5 a.m. to 8 p.m. that day. I do appreciate that school is a lot of work, but I wanted to reply, “You don’t know busy, buddy. I am the Queen of Busy and I’m still managing to try to see your Not Busy Ass.”
Cooler heads prevailed and I replied that I just needed some reassurance to make sure that I wasn’t making an ass out of myself. (Which I was, but you know, c’est la vie.)
Tuesday and Wednesday we talked and he acted like nothing happened.
Thursday I asked what he was doing and he said he had plans with his church. I didn’t even know he HAD a church. He certainly hadn’t spent his Sunday mornings in July and early August inside of a church, if you know what I’m saying …
And plans? He makes plans?
On Friday as I rushed out the door in the morning, I felt a slight stab of disappointment. I caught a glimpse of a baseball cap The Nurse left at my house one morning. It was sitting on my table staring at me, a physical reminder that a guy I had really liked was in my house a week or so before and inexplicably not again. And this little flutter in my stomach told me that I’d been had, that it was over, that he wasn’t coming back for his hat, or to return the books he’d borrowed or to hold me close to his chest and wrap his arms around me and kiss the spot at the base of my neck where my shoulders meet. And it made me sad, because it was a month or so of fun (and worry, of course) and I genuinely liked this man.
I was mad that I cared.
Friday night after dinner and two beers at a restaurant, I was to meet some girlfriends for wine at a bar. I went home to change and lounged on my bed for a few minutes, texted The Nurse because I am officially THAT girl and I felt the tight squeeze of disappointment wrap around me where his body should be. I wanted so badly for him to just reply and let me know that I hadn’t been wrong about him. I started answering work e-mails and woke up the next morning, fully clothed, with all of the lights and the TV on, Blackberry snuggled next to me. I had missed text messages galore on my personal cell – from my friends, wondering why the hell I wasn’t out on a Friday night.
The only text I really wanted never came.
Saturday after a few hours of work (are we seeing a trend here?), I joined the Banker for another Tent Sale, which was less vicious than the last. I bought a pair of really simple Steven by Steve Madden black flat sandals and some cute animal print slides.
After working more in the afternoon, I decided that I would look fabulous and sexy and go out and do it up right. Screw The Nurse and his promises to call and then not calling. Screw them all for being predictable, for running for God knows why. And screw me for falling for their song and dance and thinking that this time would be any different than the rest.
After some relaxing, I began getting ready to go out. I was Veeting my legs to smooth, hair-free perfection when Best Friend Ever called.
“You’ve got 10 minutes before I have to jump in the shower,” I said. And I continued with the Veeting of the legs and washing my face and and plucking my eyebrows while she gushed about her fabulous boyfriend.
I told her about The Nurse and the text message about making an ass out of myself. She listened and dutifully commented on how he was missing out on something great and how I was lovely and smart. Trite things always sound so sincere and special when Best Friend Ever says them – I believe her more than anyone else.
“So, ok, not to make an ass out of myself,” she said. “But … I have some news.”
“News?” My ears perked up, thinking it was gossip about someone from high school or an ex or something.
“Well, you see, [Boyfriend] is going to ask me to marry him before the end of the year …”
I felt my stomach drop to the floor and tears prickle my eyes. Like she had killed a man or something. She was leaving me. She was really going to leave me alone and become one of Them.
I swallowed.
“Really? You’re going to say …” I trailed off.
“Yes.”
I squealed and leaned against the bathroom counter. I really was happy for her. And I gushed, “He really is the nicest most wonderful man you’ve ever dated. And he treats you so well. And you are so happy.”
“I know!”
“Seriously, this is awesome,” I said. “This is so great.”
I repeated it again, convincing myself.
“So, hold [Date] of next year, because that’s my goal. We’re getting married here, so you’ll have to travel, so that’s why I’m telling you now even though he hasn’t asked me officially yet.”
“Thank you.” I began mentally budgeting plane tickets and a bridesmaid dress and wedding presents and a hotel and time off of work.
She gushed some more about the church where they were to get married, the discussions of the ring and other preparations, like the insane size of her wedding party, since he has a huge family and many friends.
“You’re telling me I have just over a year to get a date suitable for the weekend wedding of my best friend.”
“Yes.”
“And to the gym.”
We said our goodbyes and I leaned over the sink to regain the composure I’d lost in the last 15 minutes of the call. I was ecstatic for her, but I still felt like vomiting up my guts because I just wasn’t sure I was quite ready to see her walk down the aisle. I’d known her boyfriend was right for her, but there is a big difference between knowing your Best Friend is happy with a man and shopping for a bridesmaid dress.
I looked up in the mirror and rubbed my eyes. And then I turned on the shower really hot and let it steam up the bathroom. By the time my shower was over, I’d washed the fear and sadness away.
Twenty minutes later I finished lining my eyes and slid into a little black dress. I spun in front of the mirror, tucked my lip gloss into my purse and hurried out into the night to make some mischief.
I remember dating a guy for about 6 weeks in college. He’d gotten out of a long relationship and, as we began dating (which he pursued me hard core in order for it to begin) he made this big deal about how we should always be honest with each other, blah blah blah.
Then he meets someone else and decides that the best way to break it to me would be not to call for 2 weeks.
I called him finally and let him have it. Of all the relationships I’ve had, of all the various breakups, that’s the one that hurt the most. I’d just gotten to start caring for the guy, and he’d gone and done exactly the opposute of what he’d sworn he would do. It just stung. Especially considering I wouldn’t have given him a second thought if he hadn’t been the one to pursue me first.
Soo… basically, I kinda know how you feel. Along with every other girl in the world. Hope you had a great night on your mischievous night out. ; )
See, I too am that girl that has been through this I think in pretty much every relationship I’ve had. Personally, I think they don’t want to act like a man about breaking up because it’s such an ego blow when the girl takes it well. ALl of my friends are married/long-termers and I am the token single. Again. And you know what, I have a lot more fun! I mean, the choices! The doing what you want without guilt or feeling like you need to entertain someone…
Sure, relationships are great but unless you are happier with than without, why bother.
I, too, hope you had a fun night.
It’s hard to understand different people’s idea of busy and tired. I’ve had to remind myself of that many times.
I hope you had fun that night, though!
That happens to every woman on the face of the earth, and it doesn’t seem to get any easier, does it?
Gah. Assholes.
And as for your best friend getting married? I don’t know that I could be the bridesmaid, I would be bawling my eyes out so much. Not that I wouldn’t be happy for her, but that I would be jealous!
Hrumph.
So sorry to hear about the Nurse, but I’m glad you’re back blogging!
Welcome back to the blogosphere. Would u consider this closing the chapter on the Nurse? Sorry sweets, I hope u had all kinds of fun that night you went out. Congratulations in advance to your best friend. I feel your pain—mine tied the knot last December.
Just to play devil’s advocate here—of all majors Nursing is the hardest. It was even harder than Pre-med, I had no social life or personal in college, I couldn’t maintain them. It was always study, study, clinicals, 5 hr classes, and more study. The homework was immense as well. I guess when you are dealing with peoples lives you have to be on the ball, so they make nursing school as hard as possible so that if you can’t be disciplined you flunk out. It’s a way to weed out the ineligible, but honestly, I would prefer a 5 day test than 5 semesters of nursing school ever again. LOL
Oh—yeah, the Nurse is sucking big time. So—what r u going to do about the hat? Torch it?
I don’t doubt that Nursing is challenging to study, but he managed to find time to fit me into his busy schedule before … and I happen to know that he had a break between semesters and didn’t try to see me … also, trust me when I say that no matter how busy someone is, they can make time for someone important. So, no, I don’t buy him being busy as a valid excuse for two to three weeks of ignoring me.
Yes, to complete the medical metaphors, I’ve called time of death on The Nurse …
To all you gals feeling jealous of those who get married– enjoy your freedom! I love my hubby and love being married to him, but ya know there are times when I definitely miss the ability to do whatever the heck I want, whenever the heck I want, spend my money the way I want, and basically be able to make any life decision I want eithout having to answer to or involve another person in that decision. ; )
sigh… guys are just idiots sometimes…
but oh i can understand how you feel bout your best friend getting married. i get that way every time another friend of mine gets married. you’re so happy for her and yet you wonder when’s it my turn?
so what mischief did you get up to?
Ok, that whole “breaking-up-by-falling-off-the-face-of-the-earth” thing? Such BS. A friend of mine tried to do that with a girl he’d dated for TWO YEARS, til we made him understand how completely unacceptable that was.
Boys are stupid. Sorry the Nurse was no different.
A year is more than enough time–seriously, don’t sweat it. Besides, isn’t this all a little premature before he’s asked?
In the meantime–plans? COME ON!!
Ugh. The Nurse is a loohooser…and we all do what you did.
Get me:
Let’s refer to him as Hot Stuff.
We dated two months..to his credit he never tried to sleep with me…we got close, but never went all the way…..much to my dismay, but maybe he did have a concious.
Anyway…he goes away for almost two weeks..comes back and I almost have to hunt him down for a date…and then he “mispeaks” on the date and mentions his “girlfriend” (not me! Thank you very much).
I dumped him the next day.
2 weeks later I drunk text him.
Happy texting starts.
I do a tad of mea culpa (thank god not too much). He keeps saying hewants to hang out, wants to see me.
What happens?
ZIP.
We stop communicating for 2 weeks.
We start again…how? 2:30 drunk booty call on his part.
Did he get booty? NOPE..but seriously, what the hell is he thinking….I know I know…he walked through the city thinking “hmmmmm, who can I call in the middle of the night who really liked me”.
Asshole…..so, the nurse needs to get lost and it’s ok to be full of hope. That’s what relationships are about.
And you know what.
My best friend just had a beautiful baby and I am so happy for her…and a little sad for me…..because my ex-husband and I were moving into that direction and then all hell broke loose….so…..it’s ok to feel a bit sadness when a friend moves on to a different stage in life….you are happy for her….
Oh hon, been there, done that. Been fooled even when I was too smart for that nonsense. And I asked the same questions as you: “If you don’t want to see me anymore, why not just say it? Don’t promise to call me, don’t swear you’re just so busy, don’t say it’ll all be better next week. Just take my ‘out’.” I spent over an hour on the phone with a guy I dated once, saying, “You know, you’re being a little weird and I’m thinking you’re not wanting to hang out anymore, and THAT’S COOL, but just. . .if that’s it, TELL ME.” He spent an hour swearing up and down that wasn’t it and CONVINCING me that it wasn’t me, he’d call me soon, etc. etc. . . .only to never call me again. As a matter of fact, I’d had a couple of psychos pull that crap, that “I just need some time” crap. Why are men so stupid?? I’m giving you a gracious out, TAKE IT and don’t lie to me.
Anyway, point being. . .if you ever finding yourself saying “Well, but he. . .” in defense of your guy, or if you find yourself asking, “What is he doing?”, he’s probably not a good guy. Because the good guys, the ones who really appreciate the full extent of the fabulousness, make it SO OBVIOUS how much they like you and how much they want to spent time with you, you NEVER HAVE TO ASK. I’d had one now for two years and counting. . .and I knew from Day 1 that he was head over heels for me, and I never had to wonder, and I snatched him up so fast. . .you’re going to find one worth of snatching up too!
Good luck!
Sorry to see the Nurse turn into one of “those” guys. Not fair.
Your post was very well written, I’m glad to see you’re back.
Damn. It is his loss. Why do guys think the no calling thing is alright? They don’t like it when it happens to them (Yes, I have made one guy… THAT guy. I had to.)
We’ve all been THAT girl. And I know for me it’s been more times than I even want to count.
Here’s to the single life, Charming! It’s a hell of a lot better than the “unknown status!”
Welcome back!
Damn. It is his loss. Why do guys think the no calling thing is alright? They don’t like it when it happens to them (Yes, I have made one guy… THAT guy. I had to.)
We’ve all been THAT girl. And I know for me it’s been more times than I even want to count.
Here’s to the single life, Charming! It’s a hell of a lot better than the “unknown status!”
Welcome back!
[...] that you are awesome and wonderful and sexy. But his actions in the past – most notably the Dumping by Not Calling – prove otherwise. (See also: The Impregnating of Someone [...]